Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I often wondered what was really in a chalupa...

Translation: I've been hit with some news from MSNBC today that shook me to my very core...the headline reads: "Alabama law firm to Taco Bell: That's not beef." (Shout out to Lauren from Notes from the Clarinet- I hope you don't like the Taco Bell in Alabama all that much...)

Anyway, after reading the article I am told Taco Bell's (or as I lovingly refer to it, Toxic Hell) "beef" is really only made up of about 35% beef, 65% random assortment of things you probably never really wanted to know you willingly put in your body.

Reading that article pretty much made me want to throw up everything I've ever eaten from Taco Bell. I am a die-hard fan of their food. It is quite possibly the best way to cure the weekend bender hangover. Hands down. Probably because it causes all the alcohol remaining in your system to reroute itself to fight off the diseases the "feef" (fake beef) ingestion is causing you and your poor internal organs.

Imposter! No wonder you're less than a dollar- YOU'RE NOT REALLY MADE OF COW.

No one is suing Toxic Hell, they just want them to quit with the false advertising. So instead of Taco Bell claiming they use real seasoned ground beef in their food, their slogan could read something along the lines of: "Taco Bell: We don't really know what it's made from either." Or "Fourthmeal: when you're drunk at 2 A.M. you won't even notice it's not real beef."

This makes me very sad inside. It also makes me want to do a full body cleanse. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get some KFC. Because I'm almost 100% positive that really is chicken. Happy eating, readers.


  1. That's disgusting- I don't usually eat beef anything from there anyway but that makes me wonder-- what's in the chicken then? Um.. AHH! I need my chicken burrito sometimes. Lame.

  2. Hahahahahaha I KNEW IT! I've hated Taco Bell. I would only eat MAYBE something that was...at least over two dollars. Anything less, and it's a death trap lol 89 cents my ass. I've only been there maybe two or three times, and there's one right down the road from where I work. I get sick every time I eat there...so...NEVER AGAIN!

  3. Well that sounds... more or less reasonable. No offence but majority of meat products come this way. Especially when talking about fast food. By the way when you say random assortment, do you mean cartilage, pieces of skin, bones, hooves, etc. or some chemical parts?

  4. Erin, I don't like the chicken at Taco Bell..never tasted very "chicken-y" to me...so watch, it's probably 100% white meat chicken..go figure.

    Lauren, I suppose the old adage is true "you get what you pay for..." but as a broke college student, 89 cents seemed totally reasonable to me.

    Webster, I live in the ignorance is bliss world when it comes to fast food, I mean, I was shocked when McDonald's said they started using white meat for their nuggets...it made me wonder what they used before! The 35% of actual meat Taco Bell used wasn't discussed, but I'd venture to guess what you mentioned makes it up. The 75% was filler. Weird proteins, glutens, and other stuff.

  5. Well I do agree that ignorance is a bliss most of the time. For example event hough i know what sausages are probably made of i still use them for my sandwiches. I guess same think could work out for you since it is nearly impossible to get meat which wouldn't modified one way ore another nowadays (unless you are hunter/farmer/cannibal/African or american tribes member/etc.).It hasn't caused any damage for you even though you didn't knew what's in it and consumed without inner restrains, so I guess now that you know what it consists of you will think twice before consuming. In other words quitting isn't a must, just think before you act :).

  6. Yeah, but it's not unusual for ingredients to include beef, water, and seasoning. It's the seasoning that has all the weird stuff.

    Plus, it's delicious.

    And plus-plus, you're just going to evacuate it the next morning anyway!

  7. yeah guys, I just can't see myself ever quitting Taco Bell for good. I am slave for the nachos bell grande.

    Caleb, excellent point my friend!

  8. Taco Hell is my drug of choice in the fast food alley of slow death. That being said, like most other American companies, I'm pretty sure the meats have been outsourced to third world countries. There is probably all kinds of stuff in their from creatures we've never heard of in the western world. I mean how would the jingle flow when marketing the "Madagascar Hissing Cockroach Burrito" or the "Spanish Rice Rat Taco Salad". I'm sure it all tastes like spicy chicken, though.


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