Monday, February 14, 2011

"I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around."

Translation: I am well versed in the hurry up and wait method.

It has been awhile since my blog and I have had the fortune of spending some time together. I just returned to Michigan after spending a (colder than I'd like) week in New Mexico with my boyfriend for our anniversary. In three days I will be return to the Detroit airport to fly to (a hopefully sunny) Florida.

Either way, my body has been and will be through more TSA scans than I'd ever care to take part in. Its awkward you know somewhere someone is looking at you and your entire body leaving little to the imagination, but it is outright cringe worthy during the 30-60 seconds you have to wait while there is TSA agent all up in your personal space bubble receiving information over your body scan in his headset. I tried making small talk during this encounter but it only seemed to cheapen the experience as I stood there doe eyed, striped pink fuzzy socks exposed for the terminal to see (fortunately the body scan was not, and bonus- I actually wore a pair of matching socks for once).

Four days after returning from Florida and a couple work assignments, it will be back to the airport to return to New Mexico, this time around to take care of my boyfriend after he gets his wisdom teeth yanked out of his head. Lucky for him, I make a mean batch of jello. Unlucky for him, we have a three hour drive to and from the place where he is having his surgery.

Why is that unlucky? Not because I am a spastic traveler- but because he drives a stick shift. The Von Devious is a lazy American who hasn't driven a manual transmission car in like 6 years. I am going to have to duct tape his head to the headrest to keep him from jerking around and bashing his head in whilst I stall out and he succumbs to a Vicodin induced stupor (jeaaaaalous).

I'm told re-learning how to drive a stick is similar to riding a bike. Yet another thing I haven't done in almost a decade. I am accident prone and impatient, so this should provide excellent fodder for a new blog post. I am going to turn what I perceive will be an epic test of my boyfriend's ability to handle me during a melt down into a positive experience. If anyone knows of a stock car simulator in the Detroit area, fill me in. I'd like to make this a far less humiliating and invasive experience than going through airport security will be...

I wonder when I can add TSA to my PPO?


  1. FINALLY a new post from you- I was going through withdrawals! I'm so happy you had such a great time with the boy toy and I'm really excited that you get to go to Florida now! Bring back some of the warm weather pleeeeeease! Keep having safe travels and enjoy the TSA- at least it's free entertainment? ;)

    Much hugs and love,

  2. I know long over due, I am sorry...but in between the moving, the movers losing half of my boyfriend's stuff, and the crazy cold weather I just forgot about my blog. Hopefully the cold doesn't follow me to FL like it did to NM and I can bring some 70 degree temps back! One of these days we will get to go to Sage Brush, I promise!

  3. Jealous indeed...

    I was loopy as shit after my surgery. Between his loopiness and your shitty driving, I'd up my insurance before the trip!

  4. haha, if all else fails after practicing driving a manual transmission again for a day or two- I'm going full out lazy and renting a car.


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