When keeping it real goes wrong...

Translation: ...or things I learned about myself while back in Texas.

So, sorry I have been scarce since my near melt down thanks to my stats class. I still hate numbers more than I hate Oprah, but what can you do? It seems, in this life, we are destined to deal with both. However, I spent an amazing weekend in sunny, warm, wonderfully friendly Texas. When I came home I had both schoolwork and actual work demanding my full attention (with a sprinkle of jetlag), but thankfully I had today off from subbing to finish the former so I could bring you the crazy.

Needless to say, there are several things I learned about myself when I went to Dallas for my cousin's wedding:

1. I like to brag. I look for any excuse for people to ask me what I do for a living to show them that not only am I a giving human being, I am honorable...dammit. I pridefully tell people I do a job most people would fear/hate (some guesses of my line of work have included working for the IRS, defusing bombs, or stripping. Thanks for the vote of confidence, friends and family...). Most people think being a substitute teacher would suck more than working for the IRS. But I truly enjoy it. And instead of just calling me Miss G (because the first initial of my last name is the only pronounceable part) my students have taken to calling me Miss G6...because I'm fly. Reference: Far East Movement's song "Like a G6." My students have chosen to flatter me in a manner I can understand: by feeding my ego via a rap song. *Tear*

2. When If I ever get married my father/daughter dance will be to Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" and if you don't like it- no open bar for you (said in Soup Nazi's voice). Also, I plan on playing plenty of songs that will either embarass you (think Chicken dance) or make you feel like you're at a Junior High dance (think Boyz2Men). Basically I want to alienate you to the point of leaving, just not before you've dropped off that waffle maker I had my eye on.

3. I can actually take care of children. I'm not talking my students. I'm talking BABIES. I watched my 15 month old niece Hayley practically all weekend to give my brother (from here on out referred to solely as Mr. Mom) a break. And she liked me. I refused to change diapers, but she liked me. Also, 5 of my other nieces and nephews seem to be warming to the idea that Aunt Kate is "the fun one." I am totally ok with this because again, it feeds my ego, but this time in a manner that tugs on my heartstrings. *Tear*

4. The stars at night really are big and bright deep in the heart of Texas. The beer is also colder, the bar trivia effortlessly more fun, and the drunks much more pleasant to be around, but probably because I am one of them.

5. After like 20 some odd years I think my sister and I have finally found a way to manage our time and actually enjoy each other's company (and by enjoy I mean not want to kill each other). This system involves Mexican food, trashing old and/or current boyfriends, and a healthy dose of Chappelle's Show. Combine those three things and its like a cure all for sisterhood. Screw the traveling pants nonsense, all you really need to know is what happens when keeping it real goes wrong...

Chappelle's Show
When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong - Darius James
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

And on that note- I'M RICH BIATCH!