Sunday, March 20, 2011

"Everyone hears only what he understands."

Translation: And right now I only understand 50 percent of what’s going on. Due to my sinuses/wax issues, I have lost all hearing in my right ear. I was q-tipping this morning and something is now lodged in my ear canal. I’ve tried drops, tomorrow I try oil. And nowhere in this equation will there be a doctor visit. The only thing I hate more than being hard of hearing (and Oprah) is going to the doctor.

There’s an upside and a downside to not being able to hear out of one ear. The downside being, I can’t effing hear anything happening on the right side of my head. Anytime someone tries to speak to me and my head isn’t cocked at the right angle, all I hear is Charlie Brown’s teacher. And when I’m walking through a crowded room I have to sway my head around frantically like a frickin Spaniel with separation anxiety so I can hear what’s going on around me.

Thinking of investing in an ear horn should the oil not loosen the clog.

Can anyone make this look sexy?

And on the upside, I can’t effing hear anything happening on the right side of my head. Catch 22 folks- but to the annoying people in the movie theater behind me earlier, I literally turned a deaf ear to you today. BAM- instant sound proofing. Tomorrow morning when the house is buzzing with activity and my lazy ass wants to sleep in, I’m only gonna need one ear plug. Without my glasses, I’m 75 percent on the way to being the next Helen Keller.

I’ve decided my deafness is temporary, so I might as well find the silver lining. When people are making fun of me for not being able to hear out of my right ear, I turn the other cheek. It’s both admirable and an efficient way to ignore them. What’s that you say? I can’t hear you? Oh are you trying to make fun of me? BECAUSE IT’S FALLING ON DEAF EAR(S).

The hardest part has actually been not yelling everything I say. I’m afraid I am losing the ability to speak with an “inside voice,” and if this doesn’t clear up in a day or two I not even going to have an inner monologue anymore. I might not be able to, but the whole damn world is gonna hear what’s on my mind.


  1. Okay... that's weird. Kind of sounds fun actually. Have you tried blowing smoke? (literally, not the metaphor) My dad used to do that when I was a baby. Wait. That doesn't sound like responsible parenting. And maybe mine was an earache. Or maybe I was just misbehaving and he was punishing me.

    Let me get my facts straight next time. Sorrs.


  2. LOL! You get to block out the stupid at will, nice.

    Unsolicited Mommy Duchess advice: don't use q-tips and oil, use a few drops of peroxide in your ear. It will break up the extra wax and gunk and help clean things out. Good Luck. mwah!

  3. haha Caleb, I have heard of a steaming method but not smoke!!

    Duchess, I tried Debrox drops to no avail, then let peroxide sit in my ear for 30 minutes and flushed repeatedly til the bits came out.

    I can hear again! Life in stereo is much better!


Please indulge me, and leave a little feedback! I like knowing I'm not the only person in the world with thoughts this random. You are not required to be on blogger to comment, or registered in any way. Also, I got rid of that annoying Captcha (I'm convinced it was created by the devil).