But what if I don’t want to “spring forward?”

Translation: I’ve never fancied myself a springy person. And why the hell do we still observe day light savings time?

Fifteen. We have FIFTEEN clocks in this house (update: make that EIGHTEEN, I missed some of the smaller ones that I didn't know existed like the coffee maker and such. Hidden clocks everywhere!). I think this is partly just for décor and the other half is so that my mother can ensure my stepfather never causes them to be late for anything. I’ve never seen anyone better at the art of people herding than my mother. I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve been late to anything. I’m just thankful none of these instances were ever my fault, for you see I’ve inherited her mad time management skills.

But of course I am the only one home this weekend. So after losing an hour to daylight savings, I will promptly lose another setting all the clocks forward.

So I’m told the majority of the country still observes daylight savings time as a means to conserve energy. I was told so by a person who owns a giant diesel pickup truck and has no concept of the off position on a light switch. The irony in this situation was not lost on me.

While there are many things in this world I do not understand (massive understatement), why the time change happens at 2 a.m. baffles me. Although on the rare and fortuitous occasion you’re in a bar that observes the “fall back” at 2 and gives you an extra hour before cut off time is a glorious experience that I’ve only been a part of once. But it was magical, like seeing a unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun over a rainbow in Narnia. But that could be the hazy booze memory talking.

It would make more sense to switch at midnight, but since no one consulted me on the matter (rude) I guess I just have to deal with it. If this interrupts my regularly scheduled infomercials for the Snazzy Napper or Forever Lazy, letters will be written. Thankfully the powers that be are kind enough to make sure this switch happens on the weekend. It’s nice to know they are somewhat compassionate to the plight of the crabby sleeper. If I don’t get my full eight hours, I get mean (in that I have no problem kicking you when you piss me off instead of using my words. I need those eight hours for witticism potential to be at its maximum zenith).

Arizona’s got the right idea, saying FTW to daylight savings. I also hear you only have to renew your driver’s license once every 50 years there. I think all these things should be incorporated into their state motto, and I bet more people would live there. 125 degrees outside in March you say? Well, I never have to lose an hour in line at the DMV or because it’s time to spring forward. In your FACE.


My graphic artwork is so cutting edge.