Sunday, September 19, 2010

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Translation: Back. Away. From. The. Kindle.

I, like any Red-Blooded American, generally hate on all forms of technology that seem pretentious and then turn around and end up using them anyway. I just don’t tell anyone about it. Or admit to it if cornered. Its 2010 and I don’t even own an IPod (TRUTH. May lightening strike me down if I am lying…).

Still here. Whew.

Tangent aside, I am writing to you about a series of events that all culminated because of my increasing addiction to Twitter (but because I’m a huge perv I usually refer to it as “Twatter” and instead of “tweeting” I’m “twatting.”) Ok, back out of the gutter.

My abode, however humble it may be, is literally located out in B.F.E. ..for those of you who are unfamiliar with that term, Urban Dictionary is going to be your best friend. I am so far out in the middle of Nothingsville (population: 1 extremely concerned Texan, 6 Michiganders), that Twitter’s automatic tracking tool can never seem to find me.

Recently it has suggested I am:
@Prestige Liquor in Detroit (over an hour away)
@Liquor Westside in Detroit (I’m sensing a pattern here)
@New Bethel Baptist Church (it’s too late to redeem yourself now Twitter- we all know you’re a drunk)

…or generally just claims my location is unavailable (sadly, I find this to be the most accurate).

So I did some Twitter bashing, on account of I’m a mean and bitter person. I twatted tweeted the following:

“twitter keeps saying my location is unavailable- let me help you out Twatter... it's B.F.E.”

And then about two hours later my mother is frantically calling for me upstairs to “LOOK OUT THE WINDOW!! OH MY GOD!!”

I was hoping that Johnny Depp had somehow found his way to my home and God had answered all my prayers…but no. There was a tour bus outside my home. Let the gravity of the situation sink in for a moment.


So in a rather ironic twist of fate, a Tour Bus full of 50 people can somehow find their way to B.F.E., but Twitter/GoogleSkynet (my paranoia over this is a blog for another day, *as is my apparent shitty taste in TV shows) can never seem to locate me.

I guess in the event of a robot uprising, I am safe here?


  1. Ha!!! I have yet to get into twitter, also im a hypocrite when it come to technology... I would preferably still playing with the newly invented wheel if truth be told!

    FOR THE RECORD... I also LOVE rock of love, what a shit-fabulous show :-) and I love new york ( the show, just in case your standards arent as low as me and you haven't heard of it) and the hills and jersey shore...


  2. I have no been able to bring myself to watching the Jersey Shore. However, I am intimately familiar with the rest of those shows haha. I am glad to see I am not the only one...we could start a support group.

    But I will definitely be blogging about my horrid taste in reality tv in the near future. Feel free to follow me or I will message you when the VH1 skeletons come out of the closet!

  3. I am just the opposite of you. I am a technology whore and I covet whoever has the coolest thing. I have an iPod, an iPod touch and iPhone and I want any other thing that has fruit on it or starts with i. I also have been battling with myself over whether or not to get a Kindle. It kind of takes the "book" out of reading.

  4. I don't understand the hype of a kindle, that's for sure. I really enjoy sitting down with an ACTUAL book and not straining my eyes with a screen.

    Its not that I don't want a lot of the new technology, but I just don't have the money for it, and in the past it always seems like the second I commit and buy something, the next best thing comes out. Go figure!! I do own a BlackBerry that I consider to be my life line, so I guess that makes me a technology slut?

  5. this is such an amazing post, and i'm kinda with you on that technology stuff, the kindle is SUCH a waste of time, just buy the hardcopy book, end of story. And you don't have an ipod???? woahhh lolz, I have one, it's not uber fancy but it gets the job done.

    Twitter is sooo addicting, I have one too and I'm always on it, it's so amazing, and blackberrys are so overrated. Everyone has one and it defeats the purpose of it's use and everyone's just conforming to be like everyone else. Be different and get something different, but no worries I'll probs get one when I go to law school later in life.

    Oh and who was the band on the tour bus, not sure if you said who they were.

  6. oh i would love to see you on twitter! what's your user name? (god i am perpetuating the very thing i hate aren't i?!?!)

    it wasn't a band, it was just an actual tour bus touring the scenic area. it would have been awesome if it was a band since i am in the general proximity of detroit.

  7. ha ha it's Lil_Britt_Brat lolz if you wanna add me and yea but it's understandable because twitter's so addictive.

    oh but still that is pretty cool for a tour bus to be outside of your house so kudos to you for that


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