The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.

Translation: That’s probably why I can never find a damn unicorn ANYWHERE.


It’s time for another riveting round of daily observations! ...don't look so puzzled. You know you yearn to be enlightened by my inner awesomeocity.

-After spending the day subbing for a 2nd grade class, I wonder if I could find a doctor somewhere in the US that would be willing to give a 23 year old a hysterectomy.

-I was watching Glee last night (tell a soul and I will shove you in a locker), which got me thinking…what’s with the growing trend of celebrities whose faces look like a foot? Mr. Schu? Robert Pattinson? Jennifer Aniston? Look at your foot. Google a picture of any of those people- it is remarkably hard to tell the difference. (Side note- the Britney Spears episode was absolutely hilarious…reiterate- STUFF YOU IN A LOCKER)

-What is it about driving a golf cart that automatically makes grown men (50+) revert to ten year old boys? If I see one more old dude doing donuts on the green behind our house I’m gonna set up a camera. Also- women are EXTREMELY vulgar golfers. I kinda like it. I wonder how much money I could make in a day if I sold beer and hotdogs from my yard. We are on the cart path…my entrepreneurial spidey senses are a tingling.

-Watched a few seconds of Will Arnett’s new show “Running Wilde,” which got me thinking- is he capable of playing any character other than Gob Bluth? Also- Arrested Development has and will always be the greatest effing show in the history of shows. I’ve instant netflixed the entire series so many times Netflix probably put me on a government watch list. Oh yes, and I fancy myself a Buster Bluth fan. If you’re reading this blog and you’ve never seen an episode…you would understand so much more about me if you did. They’re the televised version of my family.

-Speaking of…Netflix, if you keep putting Rob Schnieder films under the movies you think I’ll love category- we’re breaking up. Coming soon- my ‘Ode to Netflix (or other ways to spend 13 bucks a month).’

-Dear Ke$ha, Please for the love of God take a shower. And just…stop. The mere sight of you makes me want to wash my hands and burn my clothing.