Whoever said that things have to be useful?

Translation: I think we’re overwhelmed with connectivity nowadays. I say this, because my grandparents visited this weekend, and my grandmother wanted a rundown on what exactly facebook, twitter, and blogging were. Which then made me realize they’re all essentially the same thing- an asinine means for you to express yourself and hoard friends, while “staying connected” aka “being too lazy to pick up the phone.”

But have you ever tried to explain twitter to an 80 year old? ...it makes you feel like a real ass.

“Yep Grandma…you post in 140 characters or less a quip or something about your life you think other people will be interested in.” In my head I was thinking ‘wow…my generation is full of egotistical a-holes.’ But since my grandparents are one of the VERY FEW people I ever watch my mouth around, I let that thought pass. Shocking, I know, but it is in fact possible for me to pipe down.

But it still stands- why in God’s name do I care that Kim Kardashian had pancakes for breakfast and they were delicious? That Forever 21 is having multiple shoe sales? That one of my friends has the inability to withhold posting his sexual exploits via Twitter (if the description fits in 140 characters or less, trust me, it is not worthy of the world knowing, Casanova.)? I DON’T. Wait…except for that second one. That’s just good advertising.

As for facebook, it makes a little more sense (except for the ever-addicting facebook games. You’ll all be happy to know I’ve leveled up in Frontierville, so apparently the addiction won). And I won’t knock blogging for obvious reasons. If you post daily about your cat Mister Zazzle’s adorable ability to rip your furniture into shreds in 30 minutes, I recommend you back away from the keyboard and experience reality (as well as getting that feral damn cat declawed)…but that’s just a suggestion.

So now that my G-ma knows what a twitter is…I think in her eyes my generation just got dropped down a few pegs. So advice to you, if any older relative ever asks you what twitter is, do our generation a huge favor and claim twignorance. Or tell them it’s a noise a bird makes. Deny all connectivity whatsoever and maybe, just maybe, you’ll save yourself from looking like a huge douchebag in front of people whose generation existed just fine without cell phones.

If anyone else has ever experienced a similar situation and wasn’t smart enough to claim they don’t have a twitter either, I appreciate your commiseration ahead of time. I should’ve gone the Jon Stewart route and replied to my Grandmother by saying this- “For the uninitiated, here’s how Twitter works – I have no f***ing idea.” But dropping f-bombs in front of her surely would’ve gotten my tweet-happy ass kicked out of the will.